I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
