So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
