O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she pinky promised me she was 18
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
