Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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