last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
