Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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