How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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