I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
