yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
