I skipped work to stalk him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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