tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
