3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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