she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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