How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
