I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
