I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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