she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
