your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
