YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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