How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
