Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
