you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
