One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
