i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
