just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
