I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
