I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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