Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I didn't notice because vodka
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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