So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
