I will die if light touches me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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