Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
