I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
