..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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