...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
