pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
