Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Congratulations! We have a period
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