I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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