I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
