i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
