Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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