it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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