My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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