K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize