You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
