A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
