what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize