My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize