We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
