so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
