I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
