And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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