Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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