NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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