I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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