Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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