I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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