i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
