I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize