Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ok first of all what the fuck
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
