I'm going to jail i love you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
