I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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