just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
