While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You smell like stripper and shame
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
