the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
NoShamevember. You game?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
