Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize