In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
