Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
