This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My life is pants optional.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
