he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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