i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
