Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
