You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
