My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
