so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
