whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
