then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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