I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize