CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
