Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
