so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize