Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
