Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
