after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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