she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
