Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
