Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
