everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
