Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
