is your mom at the bar?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
