we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
