I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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