dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
