respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
