Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
