my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My feet surprised me
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